| A
warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap. |
Cat Zen
By Timmy
|
I
will remember that if I bite the cactus,
it will bite back. |
| |
My
human will never let me eat her pet hamster,
and I am at peace with that. |
|
I
will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am
thirsty after sitting in my water bowl. |
  |
I
will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss
her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is
forgiven and can now pet me. |
I
will not use the bathtub to store live
mice for late-night
snacks. |
I
will not bite my human on the rear while she is sitting
on the Big White Drinking Bowl. |
| I
will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in,
and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter.
(It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.) |
If
I must give a present to my human's
overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more
socially acceptable than a big live cockroach,
even if it isn't as tasty. |
I
will not knead my male human's groin at 2 a.m. with claws
extended. It seems to cause him some discomfort and he
wakes up all grumpy. |
|
I
will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come
home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting
plenty of roughage. |
|
| I
will not leap into my human's chair, which she has temporarily
vacated, and then bite my human on the bum when she sits
back down. |
 |
I
will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the
night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up. |
I will not walk
on the keyboard when my human
is writing important
emio gnaioerp ga3qi4taija3tgv aa35 a messages.
|
We
will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding
Across the Plains of the Serengeti over my humans' bed
while they're trying to sleep. |
|
I
will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no
reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie. |
 |
I
will not stick my paw into any container to see if there
is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch
when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement
out of my fur. |
|
I
will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the
hall, and growl at NOTHING -
after my human has finished watching The X-Files. |
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